By Heather Greaves
Reiki Teacher, Yoga Instructor and Holistic Counsellor
Communication…What’s Stopping You???
I hear it time and time again: “I can’t tell him what I am feeling”; “I better not say it or she will think I’m weird”; or “Best to just keep my mouth shut so I don’t sound ridiculous,”. All I think, when I hear comments like this are that they are copping out. Why is it that people feel that they can’t say what they would like to say? And who is telling you, you can’t? More importantly, if you aren’t, why aren’t you???
In my opinion and experience, too many people have decided that either they don’t have a right to say what they feel or that they might be judged as not being good enough, due to low self esteem. Or, some people may have learnt from a young age that when they say what they feel they get in trouble, rejected or hurt. Whatever the root cause, as an adult, I can tell you; it is important to move on from this if you hope to have true meaningful relationships with other people.
That may sound mean or insensitive, but can I just say how challenging it is to try to have a friendship or relationship with anyone who cannot speak their truth! How is anyone suppose to know what you are thinking or feeling if you are not being honest or truthful about how you are thinking or feeling? Most of us are not psychic, so there is no way for us to know if you do not communicate it with us.
If you are telling yourself, that you are being kind by trying not to hurt their feelings because they may not like what you have to say, you are simply not being truthful with yourself. None of us really know what is best for someone else. And how does it help any relationship grow and get stronger if you cannot even be honest? Even if your version of the truth is different to theirs, it is still your truth! No one can argue with what is true for you. “The truth hurts”, so they say, but I say “Dishonesty hurts 10 times worse!”
How does it help me if I go around believing that we are friends and we have this open and honest relationship and two or 10 years down the track suddenly, it unfolds that what you have told me or what you have led me to believe about you is complete nonsense? How will that make me feel? By not being honest about how you felt or what you believe, it has set me up to be in relationship with a figment of my own imagination. Who wants that? I can watch the Disney channel or the Kardashians for that.
Get real with yourself, so that others can be real with you, if you truly want real people in your life…and not just with your dog! I mean, true, honest, meaningful interactions with others. Stop blaming others for how you feel or for your actions. Take responsibility for the business of being you! Then let the rest of us reap the rewards of your friendship. No one wants to waste their time on a fantasy. Life is too short!