By Heather Greaves
Reiki Teacher, Yoga Instructor and Holistic Counsellor
Why you should be happy in your marriage
I was out for a catch up with a few girlfriends the other night, something we really try to make a point of doing at least once per quarter to maintain our connection despite all of our busy lives. The group consisted mainly of wives and mums in their 40s with kids at various ages. One of the women attending was not married and had not had any children to date. She was explaining at length her difficulty in finding and holding onto a relationship and wondering if she will ever get married.
One of my friends who has been married some 20+ years was commenting, “Don’t worry about it! Marriage is really not all its cracked up to be. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that about 50% of the time it’s good and the other 50% you wonder what you were thinking when you agreed to it in the first place!” To which she received an encouraging nod from one of the other mums with 20+ years of marriage under her belt.
I found this staggering! Even though I have been married twice and my second marriage is going on just 16 years, I couldn’t conceive of living my life with anyone who I could honestly say I was only enjoying half of the time.
This put our group into a bit of a quandary. I asked, “Why on earth would you stay in any relationship that was so unfulfilling?” Most of the responses were along the lines of: ‘Too complicated to get out of it now’ or ‘I’m too old to start again.’ or ‘The kids would be devastated.’ And it continued!
I said, “I can honestly say that maybe 90% of our entire 16 year relationship is great and only about 10% of it has been not so great. If I thought for one minute that he was only enjoying half of his time with me, I would absolutely let go of the relationship. My time is too precious to waste on ‘halfway’. We get to choose the people we share our lives with, so at least you want that time to be as happy and fulfilling as possible…right? I’m not saying that the partner you choose has to tick ALL your boxes, but at least more than 50% of them, or what is the point? I like my own company and if I met someone who enjoyed me as much as I do, I would be happy to give it a go if it felt right. Life is far too short to settle for anything that you cannot enjoy and feel passionate about. And besides, there are millions of amazing people out there that you can choose from if you really want a partner.’
I told my husband later about the topic of conversation and what I had said, to which he replied, “I’m disappointed! I thought it was at least 95% great!” God, I love that man!