The question that can save your relationship

138A3307By Lynsey Fraser

Health and Fitness Expert/Personal Trainer

When did you and your partner last have a real conversation? And no I don’t mean discussing when the mortgage payment is due out or who is going to pick the kids up from their play date at the weekend. I mean a really deep brutally honest and heart felt conversation. It seems that we get so caught up in sharing information on the day to day status quo that we forget the bigger picture- we forget that we are in a relationship and not just raising kids, paying bills and living in the same house.

So ask yourself this – when did I last ask my partner for feedback about us and our relationship?  World renowned author, self-help and motivational guru Jack Canfield has said the one biggest questions every couple should ask each other is “ Is there anything about this relationship that you would like to change?” As simple as that sounds do you really think about how often we give our partners and spouses feedback?

Sadly most of us tend to wait until we are unhappy and arguing before being completely honest with our partner. As women let’s admit that we’re famous for storing up all the little things that annoy us and then unleash them in a wave of fire and brimstone when we reach our tipping point (well, some of us anyway!).

So what if instead of bottling everything up or never saying anything at all, we schedule in just a little bit of time to speak honestly and openly about our relationships. Being honest and open doesn’t mean an argument or chance to let rip with all the things that have annoyed us this week but gives us an opportunity to celebrate the good things and al that we like about each other and an open platform to discuss the things we would like to change. To make the most of this time remember:

  • It’s important to be willing to receive feedback, not just give it
  • Be willing to be honest with your partner
  • Recognise the things that you appreciate no matter how small – it can mean a lot to your partner that you noticed they cleaned up or offered to help.
  • Try and keep the conversation productive and a way to keep your relationship open, fun and honest – not tackle it like a dreaded “we need to talk”
  • Do this regularly – so that issues and conflicts can be discussed before becoming arguments

The best relationships are not the best because they are easy; they are good because no matter how crap things get both partners are still willing to talk, share and try. It’s one small question but it could mean and change so much.

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